Wayne Rooney is one of the toughest men in soccer, or football, or whatever you call it depending on where you’re from (I’ve heard that on Jupiter that call it “Sizlap”); I know this because I read it once. I’m not going to lie to everyone out there in internet land and say that I watch or even give a modicum of crap about his sport at any time that isn’t the semi-finals of a World Cup that the U.S.A. Has made it to. However, I can say with confidence that he looks very much like the type of guy who would have a fake tooth and head butt you into needing one yourself, so he’s got that going for him. I also respect anyone who plays such a hard game at such a high level, so I’m on the guy’s side, but I’m not sure how I feel about his hair transplant…or his second hair transplant.
So for starters, Wayne is the dude in the main photo, not the really good looking lady (that’s his wife); he got a hair transplant, not a full body. So yeah, I told you all the first time Wayne went under the knife to have some hair from the back of his dome placed into his receding hairline; it wasn’t exactly a secret, he was very public about it. That’s were I’m torn folks; I hate it when anyone tries to cover up the baldness I so proudly wear, but the dude has been so nonchalant and forthcoming about his procedure that I have a hard time really being mad at him. In the new pictures, he’s showing off the results of his second procedure, and he’s proud of it. This makes it less of a “shameful cover-up” and more of a “wearing a hat” type situation. Added to all of this is the fact that he’s an Englishman, and they’re just a different breed than us Americans. Their tough guys are more likely to stab you with a broken shot glass, but are also more likely to go and get a bikini wax afterwards, it’s just a different set of rules.
So I guess that in the end, I’m not too mad about Wayne Rooney’s covering of his bad hairline, but I’m not really happy about it either. Wayne gets no invite to join the ranks of The Bald Army, but he gets no shade thrown his way either. Besides, I neither want to be headbutt or stabbed with the pieces of a alcohol receptacle any time soon.