Helen Flanagan: British Beauty Balding?

helen-flanagan-balding-picNot gonna lie to you folks, I had no idea who Helen Flanagan until I started writing this article. I had seen her in passing while researching other gossip dreck, but I had never actually looked into her existence. Well that’s all changed now, because if the picture above is any indication, it’s only a matter of time before her race of advanced robots rises from the sea and start infiltrating  our society with their hypno-eyes and crazy lips; so I better start learning about her now before I have to call her “master”. She’s also apparently going bald, so that makes her business my business…helen-flanagan-baldingWe’ve got ourselves a traction alopecia alert! It looks like the British model and “Coronation Street” actress (she was featured prominently on the soap opera for over twelve years) has been using hair extensions for too long and the pull of them is starting to make her go bald on the top of her head. This isn’t typical female pattern baldness,  but is instead a type of follicle damage that some women go through when they’ve used fake hair too much.  It’s pretty apparent that this is the case too, because she’s only in her mid-twenties, and it’s in a spot where traction alopecia typically takes hold. To my knowledge, if she stops using extensions and crazy chemical treatments, she should end up growing her hair back and being okay. If not, look for her to start going through some crazy efforts to cover up her bald spot. Speaking of crazy…helen-flanagan-balding-picsLook folks, Helen Flanagan is a gorgeous woman who any man would be lucky t date, she is just currently having a problem with her scalp and is really bad at taking pictures sometimes. Like 99.9 percent of her photos look amazing, but when she gets caught…she really gets caught. What in god’s name was she doing in that pic? Was she just eating a bagel? Was she really thirsty? I don’t know, but she looks like a really attractive rapid badger…not that I find forest creatures attractive…seriously I don’t…okay we’re done here.

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Lebron James: Does The King Have A New Crown?

lebron-james-hair-transplantLebron James is too damn famous to be doing this folks…he’s got hair plugs. I’ve told you guys about Lebron James’ hairline before, because it’s a rough one! It’s been receding since he got into the league as a teenager, going from a standard forehead to at least a six-head. It’s so bad that the positioning of his headband has become a running joke, an internet meme even! It’s like the equator…only it shifts and is on the best basketball player in the world’s head. Well it was anyway, because like I said before, it looks like King James decided that his crown was sitting too far back on his head and decided to have the space filled in. lebron-james-hair-transplant-before-afterThe former Miami Heat superstar and former but now once again leader of the Cleveland Cavaliers recently showed up in the media promoting his millionth pair of shoes, and he suddenly had a full head of hair! Where before he had a six head and a lot of thinning at the corners, he now has a normal forehead and a complete set of follicles! This leads me to believe that he’s done one of two things: Lebron James has undergone a hair transplant procedure (“hair plugs” if you want to be a hillbilly about it), or he’s started using spray on hair. I’m a “cups half empty so let’s be really dramatic about it” kind of guy, so I’m going to lean towards him having gotten some sort of transplant because that’s way more drastic. I also don’t like the idea of the world’s most famous athlete and one of the NBA’s  (National Basketball Association) all-time greats being tacky enough to get his hair from a can; it’s hair bro, not chees.LeBron-James-Receding-HairlineOverall, his new hair actually looks really good on him, but I’m so strongly against the idea of any man covering up his baldness that I can’t in good conscious support his new look. I said it last time we spoke about him that he was on his way to a spot in The Bald Army, but now that’s clearly out the window. So basically Lebron has jumped ship again, but this time it wasn’t on a city or a team, it was on the Balds of the world, and I’m hurt on all of our behalves. How could you Lebron? I’m going to go cry now…okay I’m not, but seriously, it sucks that he’s not a bald anymore.lebron-james-hair-transplant-pics

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James Franco Goes Bald!

james-franco-bald-tattooIf I wasn’t a James Franco fan already for his work in “Your Highness”, “Pineapple Express”, and “The Interview”; then I sure as hell am one now! Okay, so I was already a big fan of James (the actor and real life crazy person, not the director; his movies creep me out), but now I’m an even bigger Francophile (yes, I know what that actually means, but nuts to France) because he’s shaved his head bald for a new movie. In the film, titled “Zeroville”, the Academy Award nominee plays “Vikar Jerome”, a bald dude obsessed with 70s film culture; he also has a tattoo of Elizabeth Taylor and Montgomery Cliff on the back of his head, which is too insane to not be amazing. He recently showed up to the Venice International Film Festival in character and freaked some people out, but I’m totally on board with this insanity. So yeah folks, I know that he’s not really bald, but I’m all in!James-Franco-haircutThis isn’t the first time that Franco has totally transformed himself for a movie role, as he got really into character for his role as “Riff-Raff” in “Springbreakers” a while back, and freaked out the square then too. I wasn’t as down with that one because his character looked like someone I’d want to punch in the nose, but this Vikar guy seems like a real straight shooter! Plus, Franco kind of looks like yours-truly with his new anti-haircut; we’re bald bros! He’ll most likely grow his hair back when he’s done shooting the movie, but his latest stunt provides us with a good look of how Franco might someday look when his hair actually does start to go. Hopefully he also grows a mustache when it happens in real life, because that thing really ties the whole look together. He looks like the singer from Judas Priest (Rob Halford), and if there’s one way to look completely nuts in a good way, it’s looking like Rob Halford. So enjoy it while it lasts folks, because if he decides to go hair transplant or toupee someday, we’ll be deprived of the unicorn-like image that is Bald Franco. He’s not legit enough for The Bald Army yet folks, but if he ever fully commits to hairlessness, there’s a spot in the Officer’s Club waiting for him. james-franco-bald-before-after

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A Picture Of A Bald Eagle.

9-11-bald-eagleAmerica: You try to terrorize us, and we just heroically run towards the destruction. Our symbol is a bald bird of prey that will literally tear your eyes out if you mess with it. Bald on Bald Eagle, and rock on America. That is all.

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Derek Jeter: Bald Of Famer

derek-jeter-baldI know folks, I’ve talked about Derek Jeter before, but my man is retiring after a Hall of Fame career that includes countless appearances as an All-Star, 5  World Series Championships, 5 Golden Glove Award wins, 4 Silver Slugger Award wins, a Rookie of the Year win, a World Series MVP, and a rank as the all-time Yankees’ hit leader. Needless to say, he deserves more than one write up from a site dedicated to dudes who are losing their hair while doing awesome stuff. So with that said, let’s ramble about Derek Jeter’s bald head!derek-jeter-youngOkay, so we’ve got all of his on-field accolades out of the way, now let’s talk about one of his true accomplishments as a bald man: he’s managed to get through an entire two decades as a megastar without ever getting any bad press. He’s also managed to date a Hall of Fame of gorgeous women without ever really developing a reputation as a man-skank (there’s some STD rumors out there, but nobodies perfect). He’s always kept a good public image, and has represented men with bad hairlines, and now men with terrible hairlines, with grace and honor. He’s not only been a great ambassador for the game of baseball, but a great representative of the BBBH Community (that stands for “Bald, Balding, and Bad Hairlined”), and for that I think him. He was never graced with a great hairline, but he never let that hold him back from accomplishing his goal of being both an amazing professional athlete and an amazing ladies man. His hair started falling about in his mid thirties, was strongly receding by his late thirties, and is now only about half there as he enters his forties. He’s always wore his hair or lack-of-hair well, opting to go for a full head shave/stubble look as soon as his hair-loss really started to show, and as you can see by the first picture, it’s not exactly doing poorly with the ladies. He’s great at sports, but he’s even better at being bald! sYears from now, fathers will tell their sons about how they used to pay a thousand dollars to go to Yankee Stadium to see Jeter lead the Pinstripes to victory. Hopefully those fathers will be bald, and their sons will be balding, and they’ll tell them that no matter how much hair Derek had, he always kicked ass. I’m a Yankee fan folks, I’m a bald fan folks, and that makes me a Derek Jeter fan. Thanks for the memories Derek, and please remember that there’s always a place in The Bald Army waiting for you.

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