Rob Halford: You’ve Got No More Hair Coming!

rob-halford-bald-picsIt’s hard to think of Judas Priest lead-singer Rob Halford and not think of two things: epic rock & roll, and baldness. Halford is a leather clad legend who has become almost as famous for his bald head and love of leather as he is for his Grammy Award winning music. He’s also a pillar of the Gay and Lesbian community, as he came out in 1998 after years of depression living life in the closet. Since then, he’s come forward to speak of his struggles with drugs, alcohol, depression, and self-image; giving the LBGT another celebrity voice to identify with, and letting all those little gay rockers out there that loving members of the same sex doesn’t make you any less metal. Okay, I can only say so many nice things about someone before they take away my Snarky Internet Guy Club card, so let’s just talk about how bald he is…rob-halford-before-afterOh yeah, he’s lost it all folks. Contrary to popular belief though, he actually used to have classically long rocker hair, but his hairline started failing him at a pretty long age, and after trying to pull off leather and a comb-forward for about a decade, he gave in and just shaved his head bald. He also went out and got a whacky tattoo on the back of his head so that people would know that he was both bald and metal. He’s also begun to rock a whacky beard/mustache combo and a near ever-present sunglasses that make him look like some sort demon-man. In short, Rob Halford decided that after decades on top of a traditionally ultra-macho music style, he would come out as gay, which was crazy brave, and then decided that instead of going bald he’d just shave off all of his hair and tattoo his skull. Yeah, he’s basically a leather covered S&M superhero. So with all of that said, let me take this opportunity to invite Rob to join The Bald Army with a rank of General. Why such a high rank? Because I don’t want him to eat my soul and sacrifice me to the moon, that’s why. Welcome aboard Rob!rob-halford-bald-before

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Peter Sarsgaard: Killing His Hairline

peter-saarsgard-baldingPeter Sarsgaard is quietly one of the more talented actors working in Hollywood today; a chameleon whose awesome performances you probably have enjoyed without even noticing the actor behind them. Sarsgaard, who also has a name that makes dumb people like me assume that he’s a some sort of Swedish powerlifter, has dominated the screen in everything from the critically acclaimed “Shattered Glass” to the critically panned “Flightplan” and the hit-or-miss “The Killing”, giving him a much longer career than most would think. That’s the problem with being a great character actor, people think you’re some new thing when they discover you, despite you being twenty years into a successful career. His success doesn’t end with his work on the screen though, as he’s also the proud member of a great family with his wife Maggie Gyllenhaal (“The Dark Knight”) and their two children. Having a successful marriage between two actors is an accomplishment in itself these days! By the way, he’s also successfully lost some of hair! Like that seamless segue? No? Well screw you, let’s just about this guy’s hairline so we can end this now, thanks to you, awkward conversation… Peter-Sarsgaard-beforeAs you can see, Sarsgaard isn’t going super-bald, he’s just slowly losing his hair like most men do. Since the beginning of his. career, he’s seen a recession in his hairline that’s brought him from having a forehead to having at least a five-head. He’s especially seen a loss at the corners of his forehead, which isn’t uncommon for a dude in his early forties. He doesn’t seem to be showing any other signs of significant male-pattern baldness, as he has no bald spots and his hair still seems to be growing strong in most places. He’s a classic case of someone who has lost a little bit of hair and could be seriously balding in a few years…or could have the exact same amount of hair that he has now when he turns sixty. Time will tell. peter-saarsgard-balding-picOverall, Peter Sarsgaard is handling his balding really well, and is making no efforts to hide it. I don’t see him making any either, as he’s not the type of dude to go out and get a hair transplant procedure or buy a toupee. He’s too artistic and into his craft to give a crap about his hair falling out. He’s also happily married, so he has no one to impress. I wouldn’t be surprised to see him rocking a wig in a movie someday, but he’s not going to hide his scalp in real life. With that said, I’d like to welcome him into The Bald Army, where having no hair isn’t the only qualification, you have to be awesome too! So congratulations Peter, and welcome aboard!

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Shark Tank’s Bald Billionaires

shark-tanks-bald-billionaires

Money can’t buy you everything. Even if you have a couple of billion dollars in the bank there are things in life that will make you as ordinary as the homeless dude on the corner.  The billionaire cast of Shark Tank can attest to at least one of those things. Going bald.

Each male cast member is afflicted with some degree of hair bankruptcy.

kevin-oleary-with-hair

Kevin O’Leary: This Daddy Warbucks look a like is the most follicly challenged billionaire of the bunch. He likes to be called Mr. Wonderful to satisfy his huge ego and he is quick to call you a cockroach if he thinks you are a loser. If having hair was a business then Kevin’s head is out of the deal.

daymod-john-with-hair

Daymond John: A self made billionaire from the hood, Daymond might be the only Shark who is bald on purpose. Part of his empire is in the world of hip hop where the shaved head rules supreme. We did find a few pictures of Daymond with some peach fuzz growing on top but it looks like he’s receding. He rocks the bald look like a boss.

robert-herjavec-hair

Robert Herjavec: This nice guy billionaire seems to take great pride in his appearance. He’s usually sympathetic to the struggling entrepreneurs that are looking for his financial help. He appears to be aggressively combating his thinning dome. Robert has the classic temple recession on each side of his hairline with the longer grown out hair style used for camouflage. His hairline seems to have grown in over the past several seasons of the show making me think he’s had some work done. It could be crafty lighting and makeup but I’m not so sure. It’s more likely he had a hair transplant from a top doctor to keep further hair loss in check.

mark-cuban-hairline

Mark Cuban: Love him or hate him Mr. Cuban is a man who doesn’t hold back. Out of all the Sharks I’d say Mark is the one who has the best kept secret. It looks like he’s slowly been replacing what he’s lost over the years making it difficult to notice he’s been losing his hair. Looking at older pictures of Mark his hair looks like it’s thinning rather than receding, especially images where there is direct sunlight exposing his scalp. Fast forward to today and his hair is thicker, likely the results of a hair transplant. He also appears to dye his hair dark black. This covers his grey but it also gives the illusion of thicker hair. He also styles his hair in a way that seems to strategically cover certain areas.

mark-cuban-hair

Last April Cuban starred in an AT&T Uverse commercial. At the end of the commercial he is sitting in a chair with a lamp directly over the back of his head exposing a huge bald spot.

Mark-Cuban-bald-spot

Believe me if there was a cure for baldness these guys would be all over it. No matter what the cost.

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Helen Flanagan: British Beauty Balding?

helen-flanagan-balding-picNot gonna lie to you folks, I had no idea who Helen Flanagan until I started writing this article. I had seen her in passing while researching other gossip dreck, but I had never actually looked into her existence. Well that’s all changed now, because if the picture above is any indication, it’s only a matter of time before her race of advanced robots rises from the sea and start infiltrating  our society with their hypno-eyes and crazy lips; so I better start learning about her now before I have to call her “master”. She’s also apparently going bald, so that makes her business my business…helen-flanagan-baldingWe’ve got ourselves a traction alopecia alert! It looks like the British model and “Coronation Street” actress (she was featured prominently on the soap opera for over twelve years) has been using hair extensions for too long and the pull of them is starting to make her go bald on the top of her head. This isn’t typical female pattern baldness,  but is instead a type of follicle damage that some women go through when they’ve used fake hair too much.  It’s pretty apparent that this is the case too, because she’s only in her mid-twenties, and it’s in a spot where traction alopecia typically takes hold. To my knowledge, if she stops using extensions and crazy chemical treatments, she should end up growing her hair back and being okay. If not, look for her to start going through some crazy efforts to cover up her bald spot. Speaking of crazy…helen-flanagan-balding-picsLook folks, Helen Flanagan is a gorgeous woman who any man would be lucky t date, she is just currently having a problem with her scalp and is really bad at taking pictures sometimes. Like 99.9 percent of her photos look amazing, but when she gets caught…she really gets caught. What in god’s name was she doing in that pic? Was she just eating a bagel? Was she really thirsty? I don’t know, but she looks like a really attractive rapid badger…not that I find forest creatures attractive…seriously I don’t…okay we’re done here.

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Lebron James: Does The King Have A New Crown?

lebron-james-hair-transplantLebron James is too damn famous to be doing this folks…he’s got hair plugs. I’ve told you guys about Lebron James’ hairline before, because it’s a rough one! It’s been receding since he got into the league as a teenager, going from a standard forehead to at least a six-head. It’s so bad that the positioning of his headband has become a running joke, an internet meme even! It’s like the equator…only it shifts and is on the best basketball player in the world’s head. Well it was anyway, because like I said before, it looks like King James decided that his crown was sitting too far back on his head and decided to have the space filled in. lebron-james-hair-transplant-before-afterThe former Miami Heat superstar and former but now once again leader of the Cleveland Cavaliers recently showed up in the media promoting his millionth pair of shoes, and he suddenly had a full head of hair! Where before he had a six head and a lot of thinning at the corners, he now has a normal forehead and a complete set of follicles! This leads me to believe that he’s done one of two things: Lebron James has undergone a hair transplant procedure (“hair plugs” if you want to be a hillbilly about it), or he’s started using spray on hair. I’m a “cups half empty so let’s be really dramatic about it” kind of guy, so I’m going to lean towards him having gotten some sort of transplant because that’s way more drastic. I also don’t like the idea of the world’s most famous athlete and one of the NBA’s  (National Basketball Association) all-time greats being tacky enough to get his hair from a can; it’s hair bro, not chees.LeBron-James-Receding-HairlineOverall, his new hair actually looks really good on him, but I’m so strongly against the idea of any man covering up his baldness that I can’t in good conscious support his new look. I said it last time we spoke about him that he was on his way to a spot in The Bald Army, but now that’s clearly out the window. So basically Lebron has jumped ship again, but this time it wasn’t on a city or a team, it was on the Balds of the world, and I’m hurt on all of our behalves. How could you Lebron? I’m going to go cry now…okay I’m not, but seriously, it sucks that he’s not a bald anymore.lebron-james-hair-transplant-pics

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