Joe Pesci: My Cousin Baldy

joe-pesciIf you can honestly tell me that there hasn’t been at least one time in your life when you were about to go out and get something done, but then noticed that “My Cousin Vinny” was on cable and ended up “just sitting down to watch that one scene” before ending up “watching the whole damn thing for fifteen thousandth time, thus missing grandma’s 82nd and apparently last birthday party”, then I’m not sure I want you visiting my website. There’s just something about that movie, there’s just something about Marisa Tomei, and there’s of course just something about Joe Pesci that just makes that movie amazing. There’s something else about Joe Pesci too: he’s been going bald for years. There’s an even something-er else too: he’s now lost enough hair to join The Bald Army! Let’s talk some bald Pesci!joe-pesci-youngBack when he was popping up in and owning the screen in movies like “Raging Bull”, Pesci had a full head of the most stereotypically Italian Mobster hair that has ever sat on the head of a short man. It was jet black, is was combed back, it was puffy, and it was Aqua Net sprayed into an unmoving state of awesome that the world doesn’t often get to view in a man’s hairstyle. He held onto it for a long time too, although I suspect that he started losing his hair back in the late eighties/ early nineties, because his bouffant in “Vinny” looked an awful lot like wig, as did his shorter cut in “The Super”. He was already showing some eight-head level recession in the “Lethal Weapon” movies, so that leads me to believe that these other flicks, shot around the same time, featured a wigged Pesci. He had won an Academy Award for his awesome “Funny like a clown?” part in “Goodfellas”, so after the subsequent big box office run that include his wigged-roles, he decided that he had done enough in the acting game and retired from Hollywood, that’s when he became this guy…joe-pesci-nowYup, that’s a legitimately bald Joe Pesci, and like everything he’s ever done, he’s balding well. He still looks hella-cool, and in fact looks even more cool than he did with his big seventies and eighties hair. I’m not going to beat around bush any longer folks, I’m inviting Joe to join The Bald Army, and I’m offering him the rank of General. Why such a high rank? Because he looks really cool bald, he looks like the coolest senior citizen ever…and because he’s Joe friggin’ Pesci, that’s why! Welcome aboard Joe!

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Brian Van Holt: Cougar Town Star Headed To Baldsville?

brian-van-holt-balding-picsBrian Van Holt is just flat out better looking than most people, it’s a fortunate fact for him and an unfortunate truth for the rest of us. However, he seems like a genuinely nice guy, so his wife-stealing good looks (he’s not a wife-stealer, he just could if he wanted to) and successful career are well deserved. He’s also starting to qualify for an entry-review for The Bald Army, because he’s been showing some hairline recession the last few years.  I’m not going to pretend that the dude is rocking a full on shiny-top or that he even has a five-head, but he’s in his forties and is clearly starting to show some sign of male pattern baldness.brian-van-holt-baldingKnown primarily for his hilarious role on the Courtney Cox starring “Cougar Town” (he’s a big part of the reason that the show started to take a more ensemble vibe as it progressed), Van Holt really started making waves in Hollywood (after years of appearing on television shows) with his parts in movies like “Black Hawk Down”, “House of Wax” and “S.W.A.T.”. When he first hit the scene, his hairline was clearly a bit stronger than it is these days, as it actually was even a little low on his forehead in his early times on screen. However, in recent years he’s seen a bit of a growth in his forehead size and a little bit of loss of hair at the corners. He’s stills looking like a man-dime with his receded hairline, and I’m sure that he’s having no trouble pulling in the ladies, but it’s clear that he has less hair now than he once did. I’m looking forward to someday welcoming him into The Bald Army, but I’m not sure if his hair is falling out fast enough to get him in any time soon. He might never go full on bald and might instead pull a Sam Sheppard and have a receded slick-back look well into his senior years. Only time will tell if he becomes a true bald, but I look forward to it if he does because I’m sure he’ll represent us well, and I can only hope to stand near the type of ladies that he’d pull into our mixers. Your spot is waiting for you Brian, just don’t mess it up by getting a hair transplant procedure…you kind of look like the type…seriously, don’t let me down.brian-van-holt-balding-now

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Rob Halford: You’ve Got No More Hair Coming!

rob-halford-bald-picsIt’s hard to think of Judas Priest lead-singer Rob Halford and not think of two things: epic rock & roll, and baldness. Halford is a leather clad legend who has become almost as famous for his bald head and love of leather as he is for his Grammy Award winning music. He’s also a pillar of the Gay and Lesbian community, as he came out in 1998 after years of depression living life in the closet. Since then, he’s come forward to speak of his struggles with drugs, alcohol, depression, and self-image; giving the LBGT another celebrity voice to identify with, and letting all those little gay rockers out there that loving members of the same sex doesn’t make you any less metal. Okay, I can only say so many nice things about someone before they take away my Snarky Internet Guy Club card, so let’s just talk about how bald he is…rob-halford-before-afterOh yeah, he’s lost it all folks. Contrary to popular belief though, he actually used to have classically long rocker hair, but his hairline started failing him at a pretty long age, and after trying to pull off leather and a comb-forward for about a decade, he gave in and just shaved his head bald. He also went out and got a whacky tattoo on the back of his head so that people would know that he was both bald and metal. He’s also begun to rock a whacky beard/mustache combo and a near ever-present sunglasses that make him look like some sort demon-man. In short, Rob Halford decided that after decades on top of a traditionally ultra-macho music style, he would come out as gay, which was crazy brave, and then decided that instead of going bald he’d just shave off all of his hair and tattoo his skull. Yeah, he’s basically a leather covered S&M superhero. So with all of that said, let me take this opportunity to invite Rob to join The Bald Army with a rank of General. Why such a high rank? Because I don’t want him to eat my soul and sacrifice me to the moon, that’s why. Welcome aboard Rob!rob-halford-bald-before

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Peter Sarsgaard: Killing His Hairline

peter-saarsgard-baldingPeter Sarsgaard is quietly one of the more talented actors working in Hollywood today; a chameleon whose awesome performances you probably have enjoyed without even noticing the actor behind them. Sarsgaard, who also has a name that makes dumb people like me assume that he’s a some sort of Swedish powerlifter, has dominated the screen in everything from the critically acclaimed “Shattered Glass” to the critically panned “Flightplan” and the hit-or-miss “The Killing”, giving him a much longer career than most would think. That’s the problem with being a great character actor, people think you’re some new thing when they discover you, despite you being twenty years into a successful career. His success doesn’t end with his work on the screen though, as he’s also the proud member of a great family with his wife Maggie Gyllenhaal (“The Dark Knight”) and their two children. Having a successful marriage between two actors is an accomplishment in itself these days! By the way, he’s also successfully lost some of hair! Like that seamless segue? No? Well screw you, let’s just about this guy’s hairline so we can end this now, thanks to you, awkward conversation… Peter-Sarsgaard-beforeAs you can see, Sarsgaard isn’t going super-bald, he’s just slowly losing his hair like most men do. Since the beginning of his. career, he’s seen a recession in his hairline that’s brought him from having a forehead to having at least a five-head. He’s especially seen a loss at the corners of his forehead, which isn’t uncommon for a dude in his early forties. He doesn’t seem to be showing any other signs of significant male-pattern baldness, as he has no bald spots and his hair still seems to be growing strong in most places. He’s a classic case of someone who has lost a little bit of hair and could be seriously balding in a few years…or could have the exact same amount of hair that he has now when he turns sixty. Time will tell. peter-saarsgard-balding-picOverall, Peter Sarsgaard is handling his balding really well, and is making no efforts to hide it. I don’t see him making any either, as he’s not the type of dude to go out and get a hair transplant procedure or buy a toupee. He’s too artistic and into his craft to give a crap about his hair falling out. He’s also happily married, so he has no one to impress. I wouldn’t be surprised to see him rocking a wig in a movie someday, but he’s not going to hide his scalp in real life. With that said, I’d like to welcome him into The Bald Army, where having no hair isn’t the only qualification, you have to be awesome too! So congratulations Peter, and welcome aboard!

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Shark Tank’s Bald Billionaires

shark-tanks-bald-billionaires

Money can’t buy you everything. Even if you have a couple of billion dollars in the bank there are things in life that will make you as ordinary as the homeless dude on the corner.  The billionaire cast of Shark Tank can attest to at least one of those things. Going bald.

Each male cast member is afflicted with some degree of hair bankruptcy.

kevin-oleary-with-hair

Kevin O’Leary: This Daddy Warbucks look a like is the most follicly challenged billionaire of the bunch. He likes to be called Mr. Wonderful to satisfy his huge ego and he is quick to call you a cockroach if he thinks you are a loser. If having hair was a business then Kevin’s head is out of the deal.

daymod-john-with-hair

Daymond John: A self made billionaire from the hood, Daymond might be the only Shark who is bald on purpose. Part of his empire is in the world of hip hop where the shaved head rules supreme. We did find a few pictures of Daymond with some peach fuzz growing on top but it looks like he’s receding. He rocks the bald look like a boss.

robert-herjavec-hair

Robert Herjavec: This nice guy billionaire seems to take great pride in his appearance. He’s usually sympathetic to the struggling entrepreneurs that are looking for his financial help. He appears to be aggressively combating his thinning dome. Robert has the classic temple recession on each side of his hairline with the longer grown out hair style used for camouflage. His hairline seems to have grown in over the past several seasons of the show making me think he’s had some work done. It could be crafty lighting and makeup but I’m not so sure. It’s more likely he had a hair transplant from a top doctor to keep further hair loss in check.

mark-cuban-hairline

Mark Cuban: Love him or hate him Mr. Cuban is a man who doesn’t hold back. Out of all the Sharks I’d say Mark is the one who has the best kept secret. It looks like he’s slowly been replacing what he’s lost over the years making it difficult to notice he’s been losing his hair. Looking at older pictures of Mark his hair looks like it’s thinning rather than receding, especially images where there is direct sunlight exposing his scalp. Fast forward to today and his hair is thicker, likely the results of a hair transplant. He also appears to dye his hair dark black. This covers his grey but it also gives the illusion of thicker hair. He also styles his hair in a way that seems to strategically cover certain areas.

mark-cuban-hair

Last April Cuban starred in an AT&T Uverse commercial. At the end of the commercial he is sitting in a chair with a lamp directly over the back of his head exposing a huge bald spot.

Mark-Cuban-bald-spot

Believe me if there was a cure for baldness these guys would be all over it. No matter what the cost.

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