Category Archives: BALD EAGLE

On this most awesome day of American-a-tude, July 4^th; the day that we stood up and told the British to screw off, we honor one of the finest Americans to have ever taken to the sky. No, not Chuck Yeager (though he was pretty awesome too), but someone even better. Someone so awesome that they refer to themselves as bald even though they have hair. The symbol of our greatness as a country: The Bald Eagle. That’s right folks, and yes, in my world bald eagles name themselves, because they just don’t give a damn what you have to say about them. They’re too busy writing sweet guitar riffs, soaring through the air like winged gods of awesomeness, and crapping on Communists and Nazis. No other creature could so perfectly represent our country, and at the same time, represent itself as a bastion of cool. Did I mention that bald eagles are no longer an endangered species? You know why? Because when they found out they we going extinct, they went out and did something about it. They made a bunch of eagle babies and roared back off the endangered list, just like the true Americans they are. So on this Independence day, we thank you bald eagle, just for being so damned awesome. Yeah! America!