Category Archives: Bald Off!

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to today’s BATTLE OF THE BALD!! In this corner, standing 6ft 7in and weighing in at over 300lbs: HULK HOGAN!!!!!! (*Crowd goes crazy, Hogan tears shirt off*) And in this corner…he invented bi-focals and helped write the Declaration of Independence: BENJAMINNNNNNNNNN FRANKLIN!!!!! (*Crowd starts USA chant, Franklin does “Ali shuffle”). Today’s contest for bald supremacy came about when The Bald Master General noticed that Ben Franklin and Hulk Hogan had very similar bald patterns; and both wore their hair long even after it began to fall out on top ( Hogan still does). So now we are here to find out which man balded harder; “The First American”, or “A Real American”. It’s a tough one folks, almost too close to call, but after carefully deliberating for about 3 minutes; I’ve decided to go with…THE HULKSTER!!!!! (*Hogan’s theme music plays, Hulkamania runs wild*) Why you ask? Three reasons: One, Hogan wore his bald head proudly on national television in a time when long hair was in; Franklin wore his in a time when no one cared what he looked like. Two, Hogan slammed Andre The Giant; Franklin didn’t. Three, Franklin invented a bunch of cool stuff, but Hogan invented Hulkamania; a force that still runs wild at least once a week. So there you have it, feel free to decide for yourselves who you think is the better bald, just don’t give me the whole, “Ben Franklin was a Founding Father blah blah blah”; Hulk defeated The Iron Sheik, if not for him, you’d be speaking Iranian right now.