-
Recent Posts
- Peter Berg: Another Talented Bald Director
- Another Bald Thespian: John Malkovich
- George Foreman: Bald Boxing Legend
- Joss Whedon Needs To Avenge His Hairline
- Mark Texiera: Balding Baseballer
- Ray Allen: He Got Game…But He Doesn’t Have Hair
- Fred Durst: Limp Baldzkit…That’s Not Funny
- Rob Corddry: Another Talented Bald Guy
- If They Were Bald: Jennifer Lopez
- Jim Rash: A Very Talented Bald Man
- Robbie Williams: UK Star Is Losing His Locks
- Andy Roddick Is Going Bald
- Stone Cold Steve Austin: Scary Wrestling Bald
- Screw Little Mac; I Always Root For Bald Bull
- Kiefer Sutherland: Jack Bauer Goes Bald
- Dr. Phil: Bald…Ugh, He’s The Worst
- Mikhail Gorbachev:The Ultimate In Bald Birthmarks
- Jason Donovan Plugs Up
Category Archives: All Bald Celebs
Peter Berg: Another Talented Bald Director
Despite Hancock being a big flaming piece of bad-third-act crapulence and Battleship being…well…Battleship, I have to admit that I’m a fan of Peter Berg. For starters, look at the rest of the guy’s filmography as a director. He’s been behind the camera on movies like The Rundown, The Kingdom, and Friday Night Lights. Secondly, as an actor he had starring roles in both Shocker (easily one of the dumbest movies to ever feature a killer that lived inside the television) and The Great White Hype (an amazingly underrated flick that made referencing ” Merlot Broughams” part of my daily life). Thirdly, look how bald he’s going! Of course I’m a fan! He used to have a strangely low hairline, but these days he’s proudly rocking a seriously receded look that gives him about a five-point-five-head. He usually covers it up with a hat when he’s working, but lets his balding head shine during press events. Peter Berg is a truly talented bald man and he has a Colonel’s uniform waiting for him at The Bald Army headquarters atop Bald Mountain (it’s a place, for realsies). Besides, he once called someone a draft-dodger during an interview, and that’s effin’ amazing.
Another Bald Thespian: John Malkovich
Pop quiz: When has John Malkovich ever had a full head of hair without wearing a wig? If you answered” never” then you’re correct! You’re prize? Nothing, grow up; life isn’t about prizes, knowledge is your prize you big baby. Anyhow, the Red and Being John Malkovich star has had a very successful career that began with him rocking one of the deepest widows peaks in the history of film. Despite his extra forehead space, he chose to play parts that called for him to have long hair, giving him an interesting pro-wrestler-esque look. Recently, as Malcovich has aged, he’s lost a lot more of his hair and had ended up with just a ring of hair that he usually keeps short unless a roll calls for a longer comb-over style look. Hair or not, John Malcovich is awesome, and he’s allowed that awesomeness to speak for itself and he’s opted to not try to cover up his baldness with hair pieces or plugs. He’s a proud bald man, so I welcome him to The Bald Army; welcome aboard Major Malcovich!
George Foreman: Bald Boxing Legend
Did you know that George Foreman made over $200 million with his endorsement of The Foreman Grill? That’s way more money than I will ever make telling you simps about how George Foreman has no hair and a big shiny head. However, I will still make sure that you know that former World Heavyweight Champion George Foreman is as bald as they come. Back before “The Rumble in the Jungle”, Big George had a full head of hair that he formed into one of the most rocking afros in the history of boxing…then Muhammad Ali’s old ass knocked the crap out of him; the rest is history. These days, I’m not really sure how much hair Foreman has left because he keeps his head clean shaven at all times, but I am really sure that Foreman is one of the nicest guys in the boxing world. There’s just something about the old boy that makes me think that if I were having trouble with some street tuffs, George would come out of his home in an apron and beat the Zubaz pants off those young scoundrels. For that reason; for that faith that I have in George Foreman, I invite him to join The Bald Army at the rank of Brigadier General George!
Joss Whedon Needs To Avenge His Hairline
When the original Buffy The Vampire Slayer movie wasn’t a hit, it would’ve been easy for Avengers director Joss Whedon to quit the film game and find a new career. He didn’t, and with the Buffy series, Angel, Firefly, and the aforementioned Avengers (or as I called it “The entirety of my childhood imagination kicking the world in the nards”) on his resume since then, I’m damned glad he didn’t. However, I really wish he would’ve given up on his hair a lot sooner. He rocks a clean-cut bald head with a short ring of hair around it these days, and it’s a fine look befitting someone of his immense talent, but I’m not sure what look he was going for before this one. Taking a look back, Whedon never really had a full head of hair, but that didn’t stop him from having a hairstyle that looked like Ed Asner mated with the cartoon version of Egon from Ghostbusters. I have no idea what he was thinking, but I’m glad that he gave in and cut most of his hair off. Now he’s a respectable bald man, and one of the most talented directors in the action/adventure/sci-fi game; he’s also welcomed to join The Bald Army any day of the week.
Posted in Joss Whedon
Tagged Angel, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, The Avengers, The Cabin in the Woods, Whedon
Leave a comment
Mark Texiera: Balding Baseballer
Joe DiMaggio may have been known as “The Yankee Clipper”, but it looks like current New York Yankee slugger mark Texiera needs to get a hold of some Yankee clippers and shave his head. The multi-time Gold Glove winner, All-Star, and 2009 World Series Champion has been pretty solid as a player throughout his career, but I can’t say the same for his horrible hairline/cover-up combo. Texiera is usually seen with his cap on while he’s playing, but a quick look at him on the bench shows that when he keeps his hair short, a badly receding hairline is clearly present. However, Texiera likes to combat this sometimes by letting the front of his hair grow really long to cover up the recession. He needs to never do this again, it looks ridiculous; he looks like a twelve year old that tried to give himself a Zack Morris haircut in 1992 but only had access to a Flow-Bee (spelling? Refuse to Google that myself). With the hair short, he looks like a respectable balding man, but with it long, he looks like a moron. The jury is still out on Texiera, so I will let you know if he makes the necessary changes for induction into the ranks of The Bald Army.
Posted in All Bald Celebs, Mark Texiera
Tagged bald, Baseball, Mark, MLB, New York Yankees, Texiera
Leave a comment
