Category Archives: Paul Terry

Really? This soon? Just one week after The Bald Master General declared his unending disgust with the soccer community ( I was set off by Stephen Ireland), another loser with a bald head pops up on my radar! Today’s case: English Club Thurrock’s Mid-fielder Paul Terry. Why does he make me so mad? Why is he not the man who finally represents baldness proudly on the “football” field? Three reasons. One, he had an affair with a teammate’s woman, that’s just not the kind of behavior that the Bald Army looks for in a candidate. Two, he insists on putting gel in his hair despite having a hairline-recession/ bald-spot combo so bad that he’s almost down to the “horseshoe and tuft” look already in his early thirties. Three, he looks like Donnie Wahlberg’s mentally challenged clone; like they tried to replicate the NKOTB bad boy and the result came out just slightly askew. Needless to say, he isn’t up to snuff, and his application to the Bald Army is both denied, and sent back after I’ve wiped my behind with it.