Category Archives: Randy Orton

Ok folks, wrestling is fake, we all know that, but that doesn’t mean that the wrestlers themselves can’t be pretty cool individuals; case in point: World Wrestling Entertainment’s Randy Orton. Yes, that weird “human snake” dance he does makes me uncomfortable too (it looks like when old ladies get drunk and try to do their “stripper dance”) ; and yeah, he got busted for ‘roids, but fans like the snake thing, wrestling isn’t a real competition (so who cares about the roids?), he’s supposedly really nice to fans, and he has the same shoulder disorder as The Bald Master General (yay hypermobility! yay being easily injured!); so he’s ok in my book. He’s also handling his impending baldness in one of my preferred ways: by shaving all of his hair off. Orton currently keeps his once boy-bandishly long hair trimmed down to the skin these days, but when the shadows creep in, you can see that his hairline is receding pretty deep at the corners. I’m going to assume that he noticed his hair was on its way out, and that’s why he got rid of it. It’s either that, or he’s actually becoming a snake, which would be way cooler, but probably isn’t the case (though, if he starts unhinging his jaw and eating live chickens, I told you so). Anyway, he’s not bald enough to really join the ranks of The Bald Army yet, but I’m going to keep him on my watch list, and the moment his hair starts to really thin, he’s enlisting.