Category Archives: Richard Simmons

I would love to make fun of Sweatin’ To The Oldies creator and possible Dancing With The Stars contestant Richard Simmons…so I’m going to, but just for a moment, then some nice stuff. He consistently looks like he’s trying to start an 80s-hair-band themed pro-wrestling tag team; wearing everything from the gold man-frock you see above, to the rainbow skittle splash number you see him rocking below; he’s a Marty Jannety short of being The Rockers. As for his hair, he needs to give up trying to cover the recession in his fro; the hair plugs or spray hair that he’s using to blend the front of his thinning curls isn’t fooling anyone, he’s clearly still balding. Okay, so he’s ridiculous looking, that’s for sure, but he’s also a great guy. He’s helped thousands of people lose weight and improve their health, has been an outspoken advocate for keeping gym classes in school, has done a ton of charity work, and is the only self-help guru I’ve ever heard of who actually spends time calling the people who write him seeking help. He’s a seriously wonderful person, so bald cover-up or not, there will always be a place for Richard Simmons in The Bald Army.