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Recent Posts
- Now He’s Bald: Steve From Blues Clues
- Dennis Franz: NYPD Bald
- Peter Berg: Another Talented Bald Director
- Another Bald Thespian: John Malkovich
- George Foreman: Bald Boxing Legend
- Joss Whedon Needs To Avenge His Hairline
- Mark Texiera: Balding Baseballer
- Ray Allen: He Got Game…But He Doesn’t Have Hair
- Fred Durst: Limp Baldzkit…That’s Not Funny
- Rob Corddry: Another Talented Bald Guy
- If They Were Bald: Jennifer Lopez
- Jim Rash: A Very Talented Bald Man
- Robbie Williams: UK Star Is Losing His Locks
- Andy Roddick Is Going Bald
- Stone Cold Steve Austin: Scary Wrestling Bald
- Screw Little Mac; I Always Root For Bald Bull
- Kiefer Sutherland: Jack Bauer Goes Bald
- Dr. Phil: Bald…Ugh, He’s The Worst
Tag Archives: bald
Now He’s Bald: Steve From Blues Clues
Hello soldiers of The Bald Army! I must start out little boot-camp session today with an admittance that I’m ashamed that I had never heard this story until it came across my desk recently. It seems that Steve Burns, better known to most of you as “Steve from Blue’s Clues” wasn’t quite the youngster that the show painted him out to be, and he was in fact in his mid to late twenties during the entire run of the children’s show. He also never planned on doing children’s programming for as long as he did (his real passions are music and stage acting)and eventually quite the show because he refused to go bald while hosting a show aimed at little people (kids, not midgets…well midgets could watch too…the show, not anything freaky), and subsequently shaved his head the day after he filmed his last episode. Now Steve fronts Steve Burns and the Struggle, and rocks a proud bald head at all times. Steve Burns is no longer “Steve from Blue’s Clues”, he’s now Steve from The Bald Army, because he went bald like a man and stuck by his failing scalp. Welcome aboard Steve! That stupid blue dog can’t come though; I don’t like pets that hide things from me; if I wanted an animal with secrets I’d own a suspicious panda or a KGB affiliated bear.
Posted in All Bald Celebs, Steve From Blues Clues
Tagged bald, Blues Clues, Steve, Steve Burns, Then and Now, Where Are They Now?
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Mark Texiera: Balding Baseballer
Joe DiMaggio may have been known as “The Yankee Clipper”, but it looks like current New York Yankee slugger mark Texiera needs to get a hold of some Yankee clippers and shave his head. The multi-time Gold Glove winner, All-Star, and 2009 World Series Champion has been pretty solid as a player throughout his career, but I can’t say the same for his horrible hairline/cover-up combo. Texiera is usually seen with his cap on while he’s playing, but a quick look at him on the bench shows that when he keeps his hair short, a badly receding hairline is clearly present. However, Texiera likes to combat this sometimes by letting the front of his hair grow really long to cover up the recession. He needs to never do this again, it looks ridiculous; he looks like a twelve year old that tried to give himself a Zack Morris haircut in 1992 but only had access to a Flow-Bee (spelling? Refuse to Google that myself). With the hair short, he looks like a respectable balding man, but with it long, he looks like a moron. The jury is still out on Texiera, so I will let you know if he makes the necessary changes for induction into the ranks of The Bald Army.
Posted in All Bald Celebs, Mark Texiera
Tagged bald, Baseball, Mark, MLB, New York Yankees, Texiera
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If They Were Bald: Jennifer Lopez
Is it weird that I think fake-bald Jennifer Lopez is better looking and more interesting than real life J-Lo? I don’t know, maybe I’m just biased because I’m bald; or maybe I’m biased because I would find it hilarious to hear her moronic diva-demands if she had no hair. How awesome would it be if instead of her demands being things like rose pedals and bath soaps and rose soaps for her entourage’s pets, she wanted headblades and shaving cream and skull-wax? Or maybe if the American Idol and What To Expect When You’re Expecting star had less of her fancy-pants hair, she wouldn’t be such a self-absorbed b-hole; that’d be better for everyone. Okay, the real reason I’d like J-Lo better if she were bald is because it would create a situation in which fellow Idol judge Steven Tyler could look over at her and say “Woah! Dude look like a lady!”. By the way, is she were bald, she would not be welcomed in The Bald Army, we don’t have the cash to support her dog-sweater and sequin needs.
Posted in All Bald Celebs, Jennifer Lopez
Tagged American Idol, bald, J-Lo, What If?, What To Expect When You're Expecting
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Mikhail Gorbachev:The Ultimate In Bald Birthmarks
When you think communism, you think of grey suits and gruel; well I’m not you, I’m better, so I think of relevant stuff like Mikhail Gorbachev’s bald head and the amazing birthmark that adorns it. The last man to lead the Soviet Union, Gorbachev was born into communism and…screw it, I’m stupid and lazy and I don’t know a lot about The Soviet Union. All I know is that Gorbachev never had a full head of hair during his period of relevancy, and that the birthmark on the top of his dome is the most impressive red spot in the history of human skin. It looks like someone attacked him with a Hawaiian passport stamp, but he wore it proudly; he never even thought about trying to cover up his bald head and the crazy mark that adorns it. I can’t invite him to join The Bald Army because he’s a commy, and even if I like the concept of free healthcare, I can’t let the B.A. Turn red. I can however offer him a standing invite to lunch, because I really want to get a closer look at that red mass of glory.
If He Was Bald: Matt Damon
Ok, so we all know that Matt Damon isn’t bald and that he has a full head of Irish pride on top of his head, but this picture gives us a pretty accurate look of things to come. To be honest, it’s hard to tell whether this is a really good photo-shop, or a picture of him on the set of a film in which he is playing a bald man (perhaps The Informant!), but either way, it looks pretty real. If he does go bald, I see Damon going the route of just letting it happen and using it to enhance his ability to play more “every man” roles and making the best of it. He just doesn’t strike me as a hair plugs kind of guy, but who knows? Maybe he will never lose his hair. Maybe he lost it already and is fooling us all. Maybe he will finally respond to all the fan mail and pictures of myself I’ve been sending him. Only time will tell folks. Write me back Matt, I’m a huge fan, I think we could be bros!
